is herself a self-made millionaire whose empire includes her hit television show as well as an off-air matchmaking business, a podcast, books, DVDs, and, most recently, a line of California wines in “aphrodisiac flavors.” She’s an independent woman at the height of her powers.
It’s in her work as a matchmaker that things get tricky.
The laws of love, she has found, have not bent to the arc of the feminist movement.
Men still prefer to chase, and women still prefer to be chased.
Stanger is tough and outspoken, and her views have sent self-proclaimed feminists reeling. She wears animal prints, jewel tones, and plenty of bejeweled clothing.
Here’s the journalist Jodi Walker writing in the women’s magazine : “I don’t like the premise that one side of a relationship needs to have money. It’s all a way of announcing: Pay attention, ladies, this is what men want.
I don’t like that the other side needs to have looks. Stanger regularly doles out beauty advice that many women are resistant to hearing: “Curly hair is like redheads — they just don’t get a lot of play,” she told the in 2011.
I don’t like Patti Stanger — she’s mean.” Stanger is 54, but she regularly appears on set in a miniskirt and sky-high heels. “I just know that to be a dream girl you need straight, long, silky, humidity-resistant hair.” It’s no coincidence we always see her long, dark hair styled pin-straight.
The age-old system in which women exerted great control over dating and romance by making men wait for sex has largely vanished. The men hold the reins: In a culture saturated by casual sex, there’s little incentive for them to learn how to romance women. Without rules, religious or social, to guide them, many women — and some men, too — find that dating has devolved into groping around in a dark closet, a confusing and often painful search for principles to guide the interactions between the sexes. She is the doyenne of what Alexis de Tocqueville called mores, which he defined largely as the “habits of the heart.” In America, Tocqueville said, “it is woman who shapes these mores,” through her clear-eyed view of the “vices and dangers of society.” The American woman, unlike the European, wasn’t sheltered or protected, so she developed a “singular skill” and “happy audacity” for navigating these vices and dangers, and an ability to steer her “thoughts and language through the traps of sprightly conversation.” As a result, “she is full of confidence in her own powers.” Though Tocqueville wrote in the mid 19th century, his words aptly describe Stanger.
The predominance of casual sex has shifted control to men, and today, college campuses are full of young women wondering, after sexual encounters, when they might hear from that young man again. Call it mean, audacious, or downright cold, Stanger’s straight talk is how she gets through to her clients, who have included professional athletes, reality-television stars, and wealthy fortysomethings suspended in adolescence.
This season alone, she tried to pair off the onetime child rap phenom Lil’ Romeo; Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina; and Olympic short-track speed skater Allison Baver.
Stanger’s goal is to get them married, and that requires the delivery of some harsh Stanger truths. You guys didn’t even know each other, you moved too fast.