“So, why did you think it was a good idea to date him in the first place? It was the day after Valentine’s Day, and I was on national radio, talking about my less-than-stellar love life. I had a feeling that anything I would say would somehow be used against me, not in a court of law, but at some family gathering in the future.
, I had become enchanted with the concept of story and personal narrative.
The book was influential in my decision to pack everything up in my convertible and move to Texas.
I wanted to break out of “boring” and encourage others, along with myself, to live good stories.
So I started to do things simply because they would “make a good story.” Let me be clear: I believe that choosing adventure is a good thing. When whoever was “it” yelled “green light,” you and a massive hoard of children would rush toward them. If you were caught moving, you were disqualified from the game.
But willfully ignoring warning signs along the road is stupid. Remember playing “Red Light, Green Light” as a kid? Every once in awhile, “yellow light” was shouted and everyone had to proceed with caution.
Looking back at some of the stunts I pulled and situations I got myself in, I’m ashamed. Everything mimicked the traffic rules adults were supposed to abide by.
My insecurity and immaturity were working overtime. It turns out, dating can be a lot like a giant game of “Red Light, Green Light.” Many of us start dating with a mental checklist for our future spouse.
And as Christians, we’re encouraged to hold out for saints—for someone who is clean-cut, lives upright and has strong standards. It’s what they do with their past and how they love Jesus now that matters most.
Yet when we see something in our date that doesn’t line up with our ideal, we quickly dub it a “red flag” or a “deal-breaker.” It could be a moral failing, a complicated past, an annoying quirk or even just an issue of “compatibility.” But which of these are really deal-breakers? Yet there are real red flags to watch out for, and God outlines a few of these in the Bible.
First of all, someone’s past is not automatically a red flag—not if they’ve repented and taken steps to change. These warnings are not to restrict or frustrate you, but to protect you.
If you believe in the forgiveness of Christ, you no longer have any ground to hold someone’s past against them. He wants the best for you, even if you don’t always realize it.