As a follow-up to our article, here are more thoughts on navigating the often tricky waters of dating someone who is beginning to date after grieving the untimely loss of their partner or spouse – from Members of our own Widow/Widowers community here on e Harmony Advice, in their own words.
As you’ll see from the passages below, everyone’s reaction to their circumstance, opinions and experiences are going to be different, so it’s important to keep in mind the specific needs of your match as you progress.
How long does a widow/widower typically wait to start dating again? I was lonely for several years before my husband died.
keep it simple dating - Dating again after being widowed
One is ready to date again whenever solitude gives way to loneliness.
It is natural to want a partner, but the partner is not a substitute.“One should wait until THEY feel they are ready.
No one else can tell you what you are feeling, so only by being in touch with your own emotions can you know if you’re ready.
Everyone mourns differently, so widows/widowers must be careful not to let other people dictate the speed of their recovery.”“Too many variables to say what is right for anyone the old year thing is probably wise as a minimum. I didn’t quite make the 1 year wait to date thing…and I made a mess, I think I will use 5 years to remarry as a minimum.“This is variable, and having been married to a widower, been widowed and later marrying another widower as well as encountering several men on the widow/widower board, I have noticed that men seem to be ready earlier than women.
Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.
For me, it was 18 months before I considered dating again.
The key is that every person is different, and you should take the widow/widower’s word that she/he is ready to date.” There is no specific time range that works for everyone.
Some people may be ready after 6 months, while others may feel ready after 5 years.
The widow(er) will make this decision for themselves, but the important thing is that you are about to discuss, respect and be comfortable with the amount of time they’ll need.
Is it common for widow(er)s to compare new dates to their former spouse?
Annother:“It’s not the comparison one might assume it to be.