Many partners who fail to reach a climax during sexual intercourse have no underlying physical problem.Instead, the problem may be due in part or whole to worrying about not being able to perform.In such cases you may need a bit of old fashioned reason rather than a Viagra pill!
The first thing to note is that worrying about not performing sexually only distracts you from sexually interacting with your partner.
Often, when worrisome people have sex, they don't give due attention to the more erotic thoughts and responses that typically accompany successful sexual relating.
So instead of thinking erotically, you may start thinking and ruminating about how awful it would be if you couldn't perform, how this would reflect poorly on your masculinity or femininity, and what your partner might think of you. Anxiety is a future-oriented emotion in which you catastrophize about the consequences of a possible future event.
In the case of sexual performance anxiety the event in question is failure to perform sexually and the perceived catastrophic consequences are loss of self-respect and fear of how you think others, especially your sex partner, would view you.
So maybe you think that a man must have an erection, or that a woman must have an orgasm.
And maybe you think this despite the obvious biological fact that having an erection or orgasm is not a necessary condition of being a man or woman. It is not in your penis or your vagina; it is not in a malfunction of your erogenous zone.
If you never had another erection or orgasm again, you still would not shed your gender! A clock does not have subjectivity; it is not self-conscious. It is rather a set of irrational thoughts that are creating performance anxiety which in turn lead to your lack of orgasm.
"Well maybe I'm still a man if I fail to perform, but that's not what I'm supposed to do as a man. A major part of your performance anxiety is fear of what others are going to think of you, especially your sex partner, if you fail to perform.
I'm supposed to have an erection; and if I don't have one, then I'm somehow defective, kind of like a clock that doesn't keep time is still a clock." Now, a little existential advice might help to take the edge off this popular "natural law" perspective. You may fear that your partner will stop seeing you as sexy or as not being a "real man" or "real woman." As such, you may tell yourself that your worth depends on whether or not you can reach a climax. What will he or she think if you can't even reach a climax?
"What good am I," you think, "if I can't even have an orgasm." But you are not identical to an orgasm. You are a being who can think, reason, act, feel, desire, and sense. Finally, you cannot control what others think of you. These are thoughts that shouldn't occupy you because you're simply not in a position to control what others think.
You are a self-determining being, a being who can autonomously decide things. And anyway, it's not really awful if you don't have an orgasm or you can't have an erection. As far as bad things go, it really isn't so bad-unless you tell yourself it is. On the other hand you can have considerable control over your sexual experience.