About a year ago, let’s just say I wasn’t the wisest person ever and I decided to open up an OKCupid account and made some stupid decisions. I guess I kinda realized that I don’t want to drink – any way, it’s kind of a sin in my religion and my parents didn’t raise me like that!
I was desperate, wasn’t good with guys, and I honestly wanted attention. At the time, I had no standards, not exactly the highest morals, and bad acne. My body wasn’t in the best shape it could be in even though I was pretty thin. I even had a dormmate but now she’s gone so I have an entire bed and bath to myself so I redecorated it and it’s super cute! I also make sure I cook everyday and eat out only once a week.
I thought the way he treated me was how most men treat women. She ended up appearing in my suggested friends list. Cried because they made history together and we didn’t. I wasn’t horrendous or anything but I wasn’t awesome either. My best friend was a lesbian who cursed and was super sarcastic at the time who I dormed with. I dressed up feminine kinda but more like a hipster and none of it was terribly flattering. I wasn’t exactly the cleanest person in the world but I wasn’t messy either. I could have had better friends who didn’t just like to go out to frat parties and drink and talk about getting with frat guys. Things all kinda changed after I ended things with him. I remember it being a Monday and I had no idea what to do. He wasn’t Muslim and anyway, he was leaving for New York in 6 months because he finished up law school – seemed like a bad idea so I stopped talking to him.
I thought he was impressive but looking back, I was impressed by all the wrong things about him: his eyes, his alcoholism, his over-confidence bordering on arrogance, his sarcastic crassness, his atheism, and his ridiculous number count. You see, I ended up being way more vulnerable than I should have and did not end up getting what I ultimately wanted: a relationship. I haven’t given up yet but I’m ready to be patient because God will let it happen when He does! I even told my Mom that I want her to give me a copy of the Quran, some prayer beads, and a rug because God is beginning to matter more and more.
When I found out the pictures of this girl and him, I knew I had fucked up because ultimately, she got him. Things aren’t perfect but you can say that I’m in a better place than I was a year ago.
I was selfish for wanting something more when I was a nobody. It was my fault for continuing to try to be with him even though he didn’t care. This semester, I’m planning on going sober for life!
Let’s just say I wasn’t the happiest person ever but I began to aggressively fight for things I didn’t before. I even took classes and focused on research and volunteering. After the summer time, school was in full swing and things changed a lot. I really liked all the Catholic girls I was surrounded by – they rubbed off on me. Last semester, I think I got drunk three times compared to when I used to drink every week.
I hated my nose for a while, blamed my ethnicity for not being able to find any good men, and got mad at my religion for fucking me over. That summer I cleared up my skin after three months, got better at makeup, sold all my old clothes on Poshmark and bought a whole new wardrobe. I made sure my fake nails were always on and always wore heels or cute boots. I began to value my volunteering at a pro-life maternity center more.
I also started washing my hair twice a week as well which I didn’t do before. Then I think my personality began to change as well.
I even exfoliated my body twice a week and shaved twice a week.
I made sure I followed my skincare routine religiously.